Wednesday, March 22, 2006
time
Spurred on by huma's [see sidebar] post about a really good book, I went out and splurged on a stack of brand new books. I spent a good part of my paycheck on it and I don't regret it one bit, which just goes to show you that nothing, absolutely nothing, can replace that pleasant passage of time where you get so wrapped up on a book that you lose all sense of time and don't even care.
I'm at odds with myself these days. My birthday is fast approaching and while I look forward to a day other people must give me attention or feel bad about it like any self-respecting attention-hound, I'm also disturbed by the prospect of upheaval, of change. The closer we get to the big day is one less day I have of this comfortable cocoon my life has become. When I leave my house, I am in complete control because I have my money, I know where my ATM is, I know what stops to make and how quickly to do it. I even know the quickest routes now, as opposed to my earlier blunderings where I would end up somewhere I have never even heard of when trying to cleverly take a shortcut to the university. When I walk in, I see a sea of faces, most of whom I know. I wave, they wave, we all wave. Then we walk on. Tomorrow, if one of us should have died, we would be guilt free since we waved at each other. For a brief second, I flickered in your mind and vice versa, and we both were present. After that, I know where my classes are, I know how to get what I want out of who I want without going through the hassles of the inexperienced newbies. This ease of living, this warm and fuzzy and familiar world is what I don't want to lose.
And yes, to round off with the usual, I got a new cell phone... again. A friend remarked on how often I change cell phones, how intensely I crave each new gadget that I have my heart set on and six months later, it's something new. I do always maintain that if you don't love your gadgets, don't buy one. If you can't spare the time to examine your choice and finally settle on the one that makes you itch to buy it and test the outer limits of its workings, you should just get a simple, non-complicated machine and live a life that's just that little bit more ordinary. Oh, and my new cell phone is a Samsung SGH-X700, and a cute little bugger it is too. For those interested, reviews possibly later on when I have used it for a bit.
Misha
at Wednesday, March 22, 2006
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Wednesday, March 15, 2006
as luck would have it...
Speeding along as usual one day, I realized the way I drive, I probably have an unrealized death wish. Unrealized because of sheer luck. I am alive and doing well because of sheer luck. What if, though, there's someone out there who's extraordinarily lucky but doesn't realize it because really bad things keep happening to him and he walks away unaffected because they cancel each other out? Or is that person me, lamenting the little things that happen and not appreciating that my extraordinary luckiness has kept me unharmed thus far? Truthfulness would force me to admit that I am by no means an extraordinary student, not a very nice person either, if truth be told and have never had a hospital stay for anything worse than two stitches to the inside of my cheek because my brother and I decided to take a leap off the bunk bed together because we were bored.
Perhaps the flip side of being really lucky is to have horribly low self esteem because everything just falls into your lap without much effort. Would I get results half as good if I actually had to work for something I wanted instead of just having it handed to me if I should halfheartedly reach out for it?
Anyhow, ignore my ramblings, it's been a while since I've blogged and ludicrous thoughts seem to mutate when trapped inside your head with no outlet. Also, to everyone who's been commenting, thank you, and I haven't replied because I can't access the haloscan comments pop-up, thanks to the block on blogspot websites. LUMS has yet to call, but if they should, be warned, it is the aforementioned luck acting up again and I haven't done a thing to deserve it, taking the test in the half-assed manner that I did one fine sunday morning.
Misha
at Wednesday, March 15, 2006
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Thursday, March 09, 2006
The world is a blur of familiar faces, places and situations.
On with the round-up. For those few who care, my days consist of driving to the university, working on the always pentiful projects and assignments till it's time for my class/classes and after attending them, I drive back home, picking up some food on the way. The good news is that I applied for the
LUMS MBA program recently and scored fairly well in thier entrance exam. The main attraction for me is that I get a change of scenery, move to Lahore and live in a hostel. I realize it's a pretty strange reason for wanting to get into LUMS, but people have had wierder reasons, believe me.
That's about it for now. Now you people know why I don't update a lot, there isn't really much worth writing about, save for sundays, and I've had feedback on my weekly "Depressed Sunday" posts and have agreed to desist with them for a while. :)
Misha
at Thursday, March 09, 2006
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Sunday, March 05, 2006
geometry of death
There must be more to life than this constant faith vs. science internal debate. Sundays depress me because there's really nothing to do save for think about a lot of things you'd rather not think about. Just about everyone I know lies in on Sundays, watches some TV, has a meaninglessly unproductive day and is happy that another week is satisfactorily ended. Is that all there is, my friend, is that all there is? Either join in the rat race and focus on making money to survive, work harder so you can relax harder and convince yourself you're happy, OR show the unflattering finger to worldly concerns and do what you think you want to do until you think otherwise and wander aimlessly from vocation to vocation until you hit something that makes sense to you and gives some meaning to your existance?
I thought a lot the other day, about what it must feel like to die in a car crash. This was a few days prior to the tragic accident in which a friend of mine passed away. I imagine someone up there must think. "Oh, that's enough of that living rubbish for you" and pull a lever and down here, blissfully unaware of my fate, I would be speeding along a seemingly empty road and humming to myself and suddenly, a moment of darkness hits that is both over instantaneously, since my next thought would be when I next gain consciousness and then it would appear as if a milisecond has passed, and eternally ongoing, since I may well never actually have that next moment of consciousness at all. I wonder now what it was like for Lou, if he even felt it, or knew that this was it. I wonder if he had time for any emotions or thoughts at all, and if he did, whether he was excited about the prospect of finally finding out if all those sundays spent at Church has been worth it or not, or if he thought of the people he loved and was reluctant to leave. I wonder if he wondered if anyone would miss him, whether people he only knew "online" would wonder if he had just stopped logging in or if something horrible had happened to him, and have to content themselves with never knowing for sure. Such is the double edged sword of anonymity.
Misha
at Sunday, March 05, 2006
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Thursday, March 02, 2006
R.I.P.
Yesterday was a bad day, an email suddenly popped in on my class group about an ex-classmate and good friend, Llewelyn Soares, having been involved in a tragic car accident and susequently passing away. My first reaction was to stare at the screen for about five minutes in complete shock. I'm still not sure the shock has worn off, I can't seem to actually believe he's gone, probably won't unless I actually see him now at his funeral, which I don't want to do. The last image I wasnt to remember of him is how I met him last, out at lunch with the love of his life and her parents, celebrating the fact that he was slowly getting everything he wanted from life.
Today's the funeral. I've never met him parents, but he was an only child, and so full of life and practically radiating charm that I shudder to think how empty their house must seem now. This morning, however, I am awakened by the horrible yet familiar explosive sound that suggests that the KFC nearby must have been the target of some "statement" once again. However, Geo insists that the bomb blast was actually at the Hotel Metropole, which is actually very close to the region where the funeral is to be held. I'm determined to get through to bid a good friend farewell, but sometimes I loathe the people of this city. Llewelyn deserves a packed church, full of everyone who loved him, with people overflowing out into the street. Thanks to some SOB, he will never get it. I hope they're proud of killing innocent people for some twisted cause.
Misha
at Thursday, March 02, 2006
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Rachel in Pakistan!
Presenting Jennifer Anniston in her firt ever local ad! :P
Misha
at Thursday, March 02, 2006
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