Saturday, July 31, 2004

dakness at 3

Thinking about life is like dancing about architecture, to slightly alter an Elvis Costello quote. Yesterday, after a visit from an old friend named migraine, I realised the futility of actually pondering life, the meaning of and the futility of it. There is not explanation. It's just a cosmic disneyland with one long ride for us all. Might as well stop complaining why you ever came and enjoy the ride.

Life is what's whizzing by you as you sit alone and think about what life is. I, for one, am done with the thinking bit. Bring it on... I'm all for the experiencing!

Misha at Saturday, July 31, 2004

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Friday, July 30, 2004

it starts

Abrupt mood changes, that familiar 'I-want-to-smack-you-right-on-the-nose' feeling, sadness over lack of exercise, indifference at the thought of actually getting some exercise, people all around saying the word 'dunkin' far too much and the double dealings and secrecy involved in anything remotely group related. Now this is more like my own life! =)

Countdown... Classes begin in three days and I can't wait to start up again. One good thing about all the hectivity [newly invented word for hectic activity] is that it doesn't really leave you much time to think. A life of no thoughts, only sensations and activity. Bliss.

Misha at Friday, July 30, 2004

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Wednesday, July 28, 2004

home again, home again

Back to the uni in less than a week. As every year, summer vacations have been enjoyabel, but now I'm good and ready to go back. The fun bit is this is the year we're supposed to form groups for the most important project of our degree: the CS project. *hushed silence*

The important thing is that now begins the royal rumble of groups. And a ton of entertainment. After watching people squabbling and backbiting and manipulating and cajoling to get the groupmates of their choice, I now see why people enjoy watching soap operas, at least from an outsider's perspective. Very entertaining, plus there are new kids to be ragged plus the media elective, which shall be good fun. All in all, a very entertaining semester.

Misha at Wednesday, July 28, 2004

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Saturday, July 24, 2004

...

One teacher dead, eight injured in Gulshan-e-Maimaar bomb blast. The news is full of the newly opened 'International spec' golf course. This is why we will never be having any decent teachers and why if you have exhausted all career options, you think about becoming a teacher.

Misha at Saturday, July 24, 2004

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and you give yourself away

It's impossible to satisfy everyone, to distribute yourself into even pieces and give them away to people in your life. Someone will always be left complaining. If you're lucky that someone will be some acquaintance who was only chatting you up to get something from you, and if you're unlucky, the one who's short-changed is you.

Misha at Saturday, July 24, 2004

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eenie, meenie, miney, mo

Yesterday, I found out that I had actually been selected for the Media elective, allowing me to work on the shooting and editing of videos for an entire year without interruptions. Should be a very interesting experience and a damn sight better than the alternatives, namely networking (bleh! Sorry cmpfg), Database Administration (Double Bleh!) and advanced telecommunication in the form of Broadband Telecommunication (instantly reduced to snores).

My happiness at being selected was short lived, however, as banker aunt came into the picture asking what future was really available to someone studying such a thing. That was the cue for all the doubts to reappear. Will I even be any good at this, will I be yet another mediocre non-talent struggling in an industry I'm not worthy to be successful in, and the like. Not very positive, I'm afraid. I'd like to think everyone has such doubts about their future, but I imagine it's harder to be insecure when you actually have an impressive GPA and a solid industry like networking or dba to fall on.

Misha at Saturday, July 24, 2004

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Thursday, July 22, 2004

bored... annoyed... whatever you want to call it.

Random Thoughts This Week:
 
The next person to tell me my orkut display picture makes me look like a boy shall recieve a bottle swung in the general direction of their head.
*bing* Cmpfg99 has signed in to MSN.
Oh *&%#!
 
The next person to take my MSN nick literally is going to be given a massage with a hot iron.
*bing* Adil has signed in to MSN.
*&%^!

The next person to insist on knowing the itty bittty details of my day despite being a relative stranger...
*bing* Sachin has signed in to MSN.
WHY, GOD, WHY?!?

The next person to ask me how I'm doing then ask where my XYZ friend is these days because he is oh-so-drooling over her is going to get it, seriously!
*bing* Haider has signed in to MSN.
erlgjerwjgrwsgksf.kgdgfghdlfhgirugkwh rskj <--- head repeatedly hitting keyboard.

Ahh, that felt good.

Misha at Thursday, July 22, 2004

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Thursday, July 15, 2004

people surfing

A few minutes ago, being decidedly bored out my skull and out of people to talk to, I decided to 'people surf' on Orkut. Went to my list of friends and picked one and went to their friend list and picked someone and then their friends list and so on till I had wandered so far from home, I was among strangers. It was sort of mindblowing for me that I could almost literally surf among people and end up at a complete stranger's profile by a random path of people. It's kind of a rush in a wierd kind of way that it's highly likely will make sense only to me.

Misha at Thursday, July 15, 2004

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Wednesday, July 14, 2004

random

When was the last time you did something absolutely random and senseless? I don't mean the kind of senseless that makes people roll their eyes and sigh noisily at being stuck with you for another half hour on the bus, but the sort of senselessness that is beautiful in its randomness. Being around computers and learning how they're programmed to do what they do makes me appreciative of human randomness. Someone smiling at someone else for no reason, even the idiots who add you on MSN for no apparent rhyme or reason, they're all beautiful in their randomness. That's one edge we've got over those damn PCs. To change our mind for no reason, change it yet again, suddenly choose to go for Chinese instead, is all uniquely human.

Misha at Wednesday, July 14, 2004

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stats

We are all statistics by now. Not one of us has anything vaguely unique about them, despite the whole snowflake analogy people often use to describe how 'special and unique' you are. We're not all that. Name one thing about yourself that is not yet a statistic. Your hair? Your clothes? Your eyes? Your sense of humor? Your outlook on life? Your career choice or non-choice? Your choice in life partners? Your sexual orientation? Your major? Your parents' relationship? The problems your friends have? None of it is at all remarkable or unique in any way. We have, according to statistics, seen it all. Nothing should surprise us anymore. Not pedophiles, not robberies, not plane crashes or even shark attacks. All of it has happened before to someone or the other and once it happens to you, you're a part of the statistic on victims. If it hasn't happened to you, you're on the other side of the statistic.

Misha at Wednesday, July 14, 2004

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Tuesday, July 13, 2004

of fake laughter and honest lies

Lately my own sarcastic laughs sound hollow and devoid of mirth of any kind. I am conversing with people I do not find funny, and do not really give a shit about.

friend says:
salay nai wapas hee nahi ki
me says:
haha

Can you feel it too, the cardboard-ness of these sounds that I have begun generate? They have no taste and no feeling and no purpose really, except to alleviate the fear of being alone. If they stop, the people will stop making hollow sounds right back at me and the silence is not what I think I can take right now. Sure, we all have times when we choose the silence but right now, it's more than I can stand.

Misha at Tuesday, July 13, 2004

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life, woah life... doo-doo-dooh

When talking to someone contemplating suicide or cursing their ultra-priviledged yet meaningless existence, I call life a gift, encourage them not to throw it in the face of the giver. However, once the never ending therapy sessions are done, I start being honest with myself. Do I really think life is a gift? Not really. My theory runs more along the Greek mythology themes of mischievous being/beings on a higher plane of existence, throwing an ironic little series of pranks out way to pass time on the way to the end of eternity. God is a comedian playing to an audience that's too afraid to laugh, is what I read somewhere once, and it seems very true in my case. Life is nothing but a way to pass time till in between being born and dying. Have fun with it while you can. If something makes you miserable, tell it to screw itself and move on. Life is a fucking high. Why would you need artificial stimulants when you're alive?

Misha at Tuesday, July 13, 2004

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Saturday, July 10, 2004

the bloody sportsman rant

Where will you be The Day After Tomorrow, queried the posters. I avoided the mass question and went on with the business of counting off days left in the week. Now, at last, cornered by the movie, I watched it.

The initial mayhem, people running creeped me out. Too much like being asleep. Dreams of being stuck in a barren/frozen world, doomed to fight to live in an empty world are common and recurring scenarios in my dreams. Lately its like someone has plugged in an audio/video out plug into my brain as I sleep to get the dreams that creep me out onto the big screen. 28 days later, for example. I recall the dream with a smaller, less macro scale deserted/barren land, this time with the grab bag entry of zombies thrown in. Inevitably, someone I know turns into one, then another, then another. All infected. All gone. Which is why I somehow enjoy them, I suspect. My long nurtured paranoia that eventually I will be alone is affirmed, so despite the creepy undead crawling about and the lack of much hope, it's an exciting lifestyle.

Back to being creeped out. Day after Tomorrow may cause some to moan and bitch about bad CGI wolves, which is fair, or about the moral messages or cop-out ending, but I, with my long standing bad opinion of mankind as a species, find it inevitable, and sadly, poetic justice. Shooting animals and hanging their exteriors in your lounge as a testament to your superiority over them is going to come back and bite you on the ass... hard. We act like overeducated brats left in our little slice of the playground. All the beauty man has ever created weighted against the first hunter's first kill 'for sport' is a moot point. We deserve to live our our personal death fantasies as one. We deserve to have the oxygen swooshed out of the atmosphere through one little hole created by hairdryers. We deserve to write like fish do just before we hold them up and smile for the camera. We deserve to destroy ourselves.

Misha at Saturday, July 10, 2004

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Saturday, July 03, 2004

survey



My reaserch Report Class Survey

Misha at Saturday, July 03, 2004

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Thursday, July 01, 2004

calvin & hobbes

Was sort of bonding with an old friend about Calvin & Hobbes comics. Reminded me of some of my favorite lines from them. Damn, even the BCS Coordinator likes C&H.

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Calvin: Somewhere in communist Russia I'll bet therse's a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppresion. But maybe he's heard of America, and he dreams of living in this land of freedom and opprtunity! Someday, I'll like to meet that boy... And tell him the awful truth bout this place!!

Dad: Calvin, be quiet and eat the stupid lima beans.

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Calvin [to parents]: What assurance do I have that your parenting isn't screwing me up?

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Calvin: Do you believe in devil. A evil being with the purpose of doing only evil things and ruining the world?

Hobbes: I dont think mankind needs that kind of help.

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Calvin: Reality continues to ruin my life.

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Calvin: That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I DEMAND euphoria!

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Calvin: I wanted to be a neo-deconstructivist but my Mom wouldn't let me.

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Mom: What would make you DO something like this??

Calvin: Poor genetic material?

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Calvin: Life's too darn short to waste time trying to please every meddlesome moron who's got an idea how I ought to be.

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Hobbes: "So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?"

Calvin: "Right. We should take pride in our mediocrity"

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Calvin: In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the very long term, I know which will make better memories.

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Calvin: I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realised that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity. With a little practice writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! Want to see my book report?

Hobbs: 'The dynamics of interbeing and monological imperatives in Dick and Jane : a study in psychic transrelational gender modes.'

Calvin: Academia here I come!

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Calvin: I have a hammer! I can put things together! I can knock things apart! I can alter my environment at will and make an incredible din all the while! Ah, it's great to be male!

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Calvin: I think life should be more like tv. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?

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Misha at Thursday, July 01, 2004

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