I always has this objectivity about emergencies and crises, they never affected me, hence I was always able to be the one who could calmly assess the situation and come up with a solution while everyone else would be running around like chickens with their heads chopped off. As of late, things have happened, horrible things, events that managed to drag me down into the mud too and I can understand and sympathize with the people around me I see who can't sleep and worry incessantly. For a while, I was that person as well. I could not sleep till everyone in my family was in the house and asleep and even then with a sleep so fragmented that it would be broken by a creak of the door as the cat wandered into the room in the wee hours of the morning. I was convinced something horrible was going to transpire and that if only I was awake, I could stop it. If someone was gone a half hour too long, I would worry. All it took was the electricity to go and the house to be entirely quiet for me to start to lose it. Overly emotional, lonely as hell and very, very pissed is how I spent the last month. Suddenly the recluse was seeking superficial company just for the sake of having someone next to me talking and keeping the overwhelming quiet from gaining a firm foothold. Understandably, I was disgusted with myself during this period.

Yesterday I finally got a grip. I think I'm finally returning to that higher, oblivious plane of existance I have lived on all my life, where no problems can really have any dire consequences and nothing bad can happen to me and everything happens for a reason. I still worry, but at least I can sleep with my door closed, convinced that nothing horrible is going to happen. It's good to be myself again.