A prime example of our Government spending far too much time and energy on essentially trivial matters is the shaadi ka khaana law. At four a.m., as I attempt to go to sleep, I remember that I have to attend a dholki tomorrow. Never being a fan of weddings in general, especially the inevitably looming one that shall have me in the starring role, I began to muse upon the more pleasant aspect of a wedding: the food, which naturally led to the wondering of whether that silly rule forbidding food to be served was still on, or had it been called out due to a general lack of interest? There was a time, my friends, in the golden days of yore when a man could enjoy both a wedding and a feast at the same time. Then the powers that be took over and, wishing to divert public attention from the sad state of the, well, State decreed that there would no longer be food served at weddings. Since then, the status of this law has changed so often, I forget which one we're on now.

Anyhow, my mum was a pro at keeping track of these little things. She had noticed, with the all-seeing eye that mums posess, that her children, like so many other ravenous beasts, are only fit for presenting in polite company once their appetites are satisfactorily appeased. Were the offending no-food rule being implemented, we would eat before going. Of course, it's never really that simple. Were the host and hostess sufficiently endowed with the moolah and the influence to serve food anyway, mum would know that too, and what a fine feast it would be. Defiance adds a mildly tangy flavor to wedding food. Anyhow, I digress. So this is my first wedding function where it's just myself and my brother. I must admit, I do not know any of those wedding songs absolutely everyone seems to know and have no zeal for singing them either. I also don't enjoy sitting for hours on end clapping for no good reason save to show my supposed excitement about hearing yet another rendition of the same wedding songs that have been sung at dholkis since my dadi's time. Having already made the no-brainer decision to go as early as is possible to do so and leave as soon as politeness permits, the only descision remains about food: to eat or not to eat? How to tactfully obtain information regarding such a sticky subject from said host? Nevertheless, I suppose munching on a few snacks beforehand resolves the issue. Oh, and should there be no food, there's always the McDonald's Drive-thru for a quick bite on the way home.

By the bye, I can't resist mentioning the best wedding food I have ever had, probably because it's such a random bit of trivia, I'll probably never actually get the chance to mention it ever again in conversation. To my sadness, I have forgotten the hosts, but the wedding was in winter and the appetizer was Chicken Corn Soup. Needless to say, it was gobbled up in twenty minutes flat and nobody left while there was still hope of another helping of the delicious soup coming our way. Goddamn, I would clap like there was no tomorrow for food like that. Now it's mostly salan with far too much oil and naan that has been kept out in the cold too long. A word of advice: if the naan has stiffened, it is dead. Let it rest in peace. It cannot be revived, however the caterers try, with re-heatings and re-re-heatings. The art of the wedding feast is, unfortunately, as dead as the naan.