I don't know how many of your residing in Karachi have been to Funland, but if you haven't, I would suggest you head on over there as soon as possible, preferably on a weekday with a fair sized group of friends, some of whom should be moderately burly and unshaven young men. Anyhow, today was a class trip to visit the aforementioned land of fun and, having nothing better to do, I went along.

After a late start, we finally arrived at Funland and rushed into the first ride we saw: the bumper cars. You wouldn't think it, but slamming into people you've spent three years with is actually helps you settle all your scores in a more lighthearted manner than any other I've experienced. One lone bumper car had someone we did not know in it, a man and his three year old kid, who probably felt left out because nobody would slam into him, either because they were too busy pouncing on each other or because it just aint nice to bump a car with a kid in it. Additionally, being on the passenger side of such a vehicle is terrible, mainly because you have to take all the hits and the most you can do is impotently yell at the driver to "watch out!", "go faster!" or yell "aaarrrrghh!" when a you get sidelined by another car, much like the Karachi driving experience.

After being awarded not so subtle hints from the rest of the crowd that we had hogged the bumper cars quite enough, we set off to the next ride in line, an unnamed but stomach churning ride that first whizzes the occupants around clockwise, then anti-clockwise. Now, I have a pretty strong stomach for these rides but this one I can't really go on more than twice at most. By the time the second ride is done, I stumble out of the little compartment and could swear I can see little birdies flying in circles around my head, Tom and Jerry style, and the world seems to be spinning around a la Huma's blog title. What better way to get rid of a severe case of the dizzies than by a ride in the awe-inspiring pirate ship?

Better men and women than I have balked and/or puked at such a proposition, but I am not to be deterred, and neither are my companions. I, being a veteran of no less than 9 rides in the past on the monstrosity that is called the pirate ship, have gotten everyone excited about this ride on the way over and nothing is going to stop them from experiencing it first hand. On the first go, I'm sitting on the very last seats with a bar that has no catch mechanism holding me down, or rather, I am holding it down while restraining myself from taking flight by holding on to the bottom of the next bench with my feet. Thankfully, the ship does not swing to the very dangerous yet adrenaline-inspiring position of being at a perfect ninety degree angle with the ground, at which point you're on top of the world, bathed in utter silence and only when you look straight down can you see signs of life. Not to worry, though, I stay in my seat for a second round, which friends join in. This time, the operator of the beast is not so kind. We not only see the precarious nirvana-inducing right angle position, but go on to repeat it several times, causing even the most brave of us to yell "enough, enough!". I'm so very glad common sense told me not to try and take any pictures of that scene because honestly, if I let go, it would be either the camera or me. Someday, perhaps, I shall get to take a picture, if the management installs some seat belts of something more substantial than a flimsy rod that flips open at the slightest pressure to keep us safely within the seats.

Next up, a ride with many bad memories attached to it, at least for me: the Hully Gully. If you have ever flicked a coin to make it spin on the table and then watched its final moments before settling, you can see the movement of this ride, which is basically a disc that has halves rising and falling in turn while spinning like a top. On a previous trip, being full of ourselves, my friends and I had taunted the operator of this ride by calling the speed "boring" and insisting the ride was a kiddie ride. Big mistake, do not piss off an operator while you're still on the ride. He turned it up to full steam and grinned as our heads swung to one side and the speed would not let us lift it up. Needless to say, everyone had several painful muscle aches in the same side of their necks the next day. This time, though, I resolved to behave, even when, after being seated and buckled up for ten minutes, the operator had not started the ride yet. A tip to those who give the Hully Gully a go: let the lighter person sit on the inside of the two person seat, because inevitably, the person on the inside will be thrown up against the person on the outside, which can be significantly uncomfortable if you happen to be the lightweight sitting on the outer seat. Once the ride was over, though, I resolved to avoid all further circular rides. Fortunately, what caught our eye next was the extremely overpriced Rollercoaster.

Now we Karachiites don't get a chance to see a rollercoater very often, mostly because a roller coaster, unlike a Ferris wheel, loses its element of fun when scaled down. Therefore, if one has to have a roller coaster, it should be as large as possible, with many twists and turns and loop-the-loops. Unfortunately, none of the amusement parks in Karachi are willing to spend enough to ensure we get a decent rollercoaster, which is why most Karachiites have to make do without. This is why, when we do see one, even a small one such as this one, we cannot resist the urge to have a go on it, even when it's ridiculously overpriced. This particular rollercoaster's round was finished even before it began, although there were some mildly scary bits in the middle, mostly consisting of looking down at three stories of thin metal tracks and remembering all the horror stories of Pakistani construction and the cutting of corners involved. Far too much money for far too short a ride is my conclusion, bah!

That being done, and the dizziness increasing, we decided to take it easy for a while and check out the first bowling alley in Karachi, situated within Funland. A building at the far end of the park was the promised location and once we entered, we saw why. I had been expecting a shoddy makeshift bowling alley that the masses would have used carelessly, but it was actually quite clean and spacious. Also, in line with my initial predictions about how bowling would not catch on in Pakistan, there was nobody there. I still insist that any sport in which one has to go through the trouble of changing one's shoes to play is just not going to catch on. We are a very laid back and lazy nation, one who does not enjoy being ordered to change our shoes or various other articles of clothing just to participate. Also grossly overpriced at Rs. 75 for just one game (one player). Why on earth would anyone come to Funland to pay that much to bowl against themselves?! Instead, we enjoyed the foosball, popularized as Joey and Chandler's sport of choice in Friends. Another game that will not really catch on in Pakistan since we are the land that appreciates metal sticks with meat wrapped around them being rotated, not little armless, plactic men. About twenty minutes, and a heated game of foosball later, we made our way to what I euphemistically call the dining area to order some Pani Puri. My defense is that I was starving by now, my stomach having quietened down enough to express its emptiness, and there was nothing much else available.

That being done, I have now returned home and am about done typing and ready for some sleep. Farewell, O reader of infinite patience!