Thursday, September 30, 2004
Responsibility, my tashreef
It occurs to me that the leaden feeling I had been living with was a side-effect of responsibility. Most would say responsibility is a good thing. It teaches you to grow up and start blaming yourself for your failures instead of everything else around you. For someone like me, to whom responsibility comes so unnaturally, responsibility is just another one of those burdens of 'growing up' that you start to get awarded everytime you grow a year older. Who needs it? Who could ever want it? The thought that someone might enjoy growing up boggles my mind.
Misha
at Thursday, September 30, 2004
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Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Change
Change can be
so good for the soul. Yesterday, I felt like the weight of several worlds was on my shoulders, while I just wanted to go hibernate and not wake up for a long, long time. Today, though, I feel so much better.
A major change this week was the changing of my group leader, a guy who's not very good with time management and/or people management. Said person took it much better than expected, which just goes to show that people can surprise you with how mature they can be now and then.
Another major change today was that I am no longer the CR aka Class Representative aka Public Servant cum Nanny cum Scapegoat. Joy to the world, the khwaari is no longer mine!
Misha
at Wednesday, September 29, 2004
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Monday, September 27, 2004
People suck
Despite appearances, I have always believed that people are intrinsically evil and shall do you harm if they can. Therefore, a theory that I lived by was that if I was nice to them and didn't get too close when they were hungry, they'd be nice to me in return. It seems, though, that I was mistaken. You can freaking kill yourself doing things for others, being nice to them and what not and they'll still turn on you at the slightest opportunity.
Misha
at Monday, September 27, 2004
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Saturday, September 25, 2004
non(anything)
Irrational gloom cannot be beaten back with a broom. Hey, that sort of rhymes, which, according to Mehar, means I must be in love. Fat bloody chance.
Misha
at Saturday, September 25, 2004
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Just don't fit in
Sheru and I seem to have a very distorted perception of our bodies in common.
Misha
at Saturday, September 25, 2004
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Of creeps and meaninglessness
I feel like a walking, talking, fake-smiling embodiment of
creep. I see a long road ahead, with my luck upto my nineties, filled to the brim with mediocrity. At the end of that unnecessarily long road, I see a headstone, inscribed with my name and the summation of me and my life in two words: "Nothing Special". I see it all with such clarity, I become my own leading critic. Should I ignore it, I would become my own biggest fan. I would cheer for obscurity and everytime someone forgets my name, I would clap appreciatively. Instead, I sit here, think of returning to isolation in my room with my gadgets. Some days MSN helps drown out the futility of a life by providing meaningless words that will cease to matter three minutes after they have been spoken but sometimes MSN and its meaningless chatter becomes too much to take.
Misha
at Saturday, September 25, 2004
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Friday, September 24, 2004
The weak one by MMMDonuts. http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/10846168/
Misha
at Friday, September 24, 2004
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coldplay on repeat
we live in a beautiful world.
- Coldplay, Don't Panic.
Misha
at Friday, September 24, 2004
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Tuesday, September 21, 2004
*
I love this moment. How there is absolute silence. Even the sound of keys clattering on the keyboard cease to exist or matter. My ears are ringing, but just for a few seconds. I'm cloaked in silence. The kind that most would shake it off with a clumsily worded leading question; a question to repel the silence, make it seem far enough away to be avoided forever or at least till the next question.
I remember nights, not too long ago, where both sounds and silence were my enemies. As I lay in bed silently, not realizing I was holding my breath, swearing at the silence in my head for abandoning me. Not just yet, though, but soon, sounds would break on through. Panic would replace reluctant comfort as I'd throw off the sheets and rush out of the room. When it was all over, I would return to my nightly vigil, cursing the silence for lulling me into this false sense of security. Too many times, I had trusted silence and too many times it left me when I was most dreading it.
I appreciate the silence now. I revel in it. I wade in it as I walk from room to room. I lie in it every night. I smile at it every morning. I love all these moments.
Misha
at Tuesday, September 21, 2004
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Sunday, September 19, 2004
sleep
That moment when you're midway between awake and fully asleep is the one I'd like to stretch into infinity. You must have noticed it: the one where you can feel the day melt away like a cube of sugar plopped into scathing hot tea. The closest equivalent I can think of is when you plop yourself into the lush, unbelievably soft sofa with a bag of popcorn and look up at the screen and wait for the magic to begin.
It makes sense, then, that this is usually the precise moment someone takes it upon themselves to wake you up, either for entertainment at your disoriented, super-pissed self, or because they need you to do something urgently. It's the equivalent of being pushed off the plush sofa just as the movie's beginning. You mutter sounds that consist of nonwords like 'hmmm'. You're not awake yet if its not a proper word. You shut your eyes tight against the glaring light some ultrasensitive soul decided to switch on. Someone shakes you. Insistent on your denial of being awake by now, you swat blindly out into the general direction of the source of the shaking. If you're lucky, you'll poke someone's eye out and they'll quit bothering you when you're napping. Not likely, though. You sigh and give in. Tentatively, you open your eyes and quickly shut them again. You once read somewhere that staring at the source of harsh light with your eyelids shut helps your eyes get accustomed to light faster. You take their advice and it works. You open your eyes, defiant of the light. Half a heartbeat later, the deadlines resume their vigil above your forehead. Good morning.
Misha
at Sunday, September 19, 2004
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Saturday, September 18, 2004
boom!
Odd. Booming sounds outside, as if someone's periodically dropping a cow in a barrel down from the roof. My guess is that it's yet another nut job whose recreational highs have inspired him to somehow create random booming noises at night to freak out old people. I imagine that has the recreational value of tipping cows over when they sleep at night [on their feet].
*tip* *thump* *angry moo* Amazing how the thought of that does make me want to go out and find some cowherds.
Anyhow, to return to 'the booms', it's sort of funny watching my aunt get freaked out everytime there's anything weird on the news or weird sounds like said booming noise. Poor soul rushes into this room as if one of these darn contraptions she never learnt how to use has finally exploded. If I'm supposed to die in some random bomb blast, as is highly likely for one living in this glorious city, I will. No point worrying about my
appointment in Samarra. I can imagine worse ways to die than a quick, painless, over-in-a-second, out-literally-with-a-bang death.
Misha
at Saturday, September 18, 2004
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~(title)
There are three broad categories of people here. There are those who absolutely freak out about the smallest things and nearly have self-inflicted strokes. Then there are the people who realize all these little things are just that: inconsequential. Then there are the ones in between.
I'm in the second phase at the moment, where all these little things that used to make me freak out are now amazingly inconsequential. I mean, five years from now, according to a wise man/wiseguy I know, I'll marvel at how all these ridiculously small things caused me days of anxiety and the seemingly earth shattering things that kept me up all night were no more than smoke on the mirror. 'Dheet' is good.
The paradox is that it's the little things that do actually matter, cliched as that sounds.
Misha
at Saturday, September 18, 2004
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Thursday, September 16, 2004
on the streets
Don't you just love those shows where people picked off the streets can make asses of themselves on national television? The question is, how do you think the lives and thinking of those who live in the posh locales differs from those who live in less posh locales in Karachi. Some replies:
The Wistful: "The
environment is more independent in Defence."
The Wannabe-Burger: "People living in Clifton and Defence are cool dudes."
The Incoherent: "People's life is not with the building. They are everywhere. Men makes woman's life and woman makes men's life."
Misha
at Thursday, September 16, 2004
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half-hearted sports rant
Why is it when watching a sport, we associate ourselves with one team and count its victory as cause for shelling out some hard-earned cash for celebrations? Alright, monetary spendings aside for a minute, why is it the victory of the Greek football team or Man Utd's chances of beating Arsenal cause us to spend ourselves on it? Getting subcontinent specific, why is it everyone goes nuts over cricket matches? Does Pakistan's winning or losing and how many times it has faced XYZ team and how many out of those were won by Pakistan affect us ordinary mortals at all? We beat India in a game, big whoop, their economy is kicking ours' ass.
I used to watch cricket as a group activity many years ago. Either my family or my friends would sit about altogether and watch a match, but that was like dinner together. More the company than the actual sport. Yet, even now met full grown men fond of spouting off facts and figures and (the extreme cases) getting their hair styled the same was as a certain football star and wearing their sports hero's number and name shirts.
Misha
at Thursday, September 16, 2004
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Wednesday, September 15, 2004
More and more, as I exhaust myself and have no time for jotting down words, I find myself blogging photos.
Misha
at Wednesday, September 15, 2004
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Tuesday, September 14, 2004
at last!
Finally found a site for downloading the entire Kill Bill Vol 1 soundtrack, as I knew I would. Take THAT, you poor suckers who buy CDs!
We've been having some amazing weather in Karachi these days, and you know it's absolutely amazing weather because I am discussing it. Normally, I rate talking about the weather about as interesting as talking about the color of my socks but today is an exception. Light shower going on as I write so without further ado, I shall go out and discretely dance about in it.
Weather Inspired Music: Counting Crows feat Vanessa Carlton - Big Yellow Taxi
Download the Kill Bill Vol 1 Soundtrack
Misha
at Tuesday, September 14, 2004
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Scary-ass but fun Waterslide! =D
Misha
at Tuesday, September 14, 2004
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Sunday, September 12, 2004
Let is rename this blog 'Cat Photos'.
Misha
at Sunday, September 12, 2004
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Saturday, September 11, 2004
Week-end Conclusions
Upon reflection of the events of the past week, mainly due to a lack of anything better to do, I have arrived at the following conclusions:
1. Whether you get 5 hours of sleep or 11, Linear Algebra will still make you sleepy and cause your brain to slowly rot in an attempt to finish itself off quickly and get away from math.
2. Even if it's absolutely amazing, listening to any one song continuously all week will cause you to get sick of it.
3. Not all men are scum [you all know who you are]. Some are, though [you know who you are, too].
4. Procrastination, when it is not my fault, pisses me off.
5. Working at the university for 12 hours a day leaves you with nothing to do but lie exhausted on a bed and stare at the ceiling on weekends.
6. Cable-Internet guy must shape up or ship out.
7. The reason why Sheru smells like mens' perfume needs to be investigated.
8. Writing e-mails of appreciation to people you truly appreciate is a better way to while away class breaks than Orkut.
9. Crows, should they have any reason to suspect you are hiding food from them, will not hesitate to swoop down dangerously close to your head and attempt to grab you by the hair and take you away.
10. Energy drinks are not to be taken lightly. Especially by wusses such as myself.
11. There is such a thing as too much Coca-cola.
12. I need to develop social skills greater than that of a chimpanzee.
13. Blog posts need to be shorter and, if possible, less whiny because I have read some of my own archives and nearly bored myself into a coma.
Misha
at Saturday, September 11, 2004
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surprise!
Tomorrow is my maternal grandma's barsi. For those who may not know what that is, it's like a birthday, only instead of commemorating your birth, everyone gathers around all decked up and says a few prayers for the deceased every year. Personally, I avoid all such functions. It's just so... awkward and ridiculous. Did I mention I had eleven hours of sleep last night [thank you, KESC, for giving me the oppurtunity to tell my grandchildren how I was literally bored to sleep one day since there was not electricty for six hours] and still can't string together anything more eloquent than 'awkward and ridiculous'?
I do like this new skin, though. Kind of uplifting, and god knows I need some uplift on saturday mornings.
Misha
at Saturday, September 11, 2004
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Friday, September 10, 2004
question
You would think that when someone asks a question that is greeted by silence and apparent immersion in other things is one you should just avoid asking. Some questions, when repeated, are best answered with a whack to the head.
Misha
at Friday, September 10, 2004
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Thursday, September 09, 2004
Misha likes feet.
Misha
at Thursday, September 09, 2004
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Sheru says :P... Yeah, I'm bored.
Misha
at Thursday, September 09, 2004
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Wednesday, September 08, 2004
incoherence at its best
I was just talking to a friend the other day who is all-smiles in person and mega-depressed otherwise. I find it amusing how people who are depressed [myself included], when in the state, think they are the absolute height of any sort of depression. They are the ones who have been struck by such a misfortune that nobody else can ever imagine. They alone are in such a knot in their personal hell that nobody else can understand it. Bull. Complete and utter bull. Self-involved is one thing, enjoying your pain is another. Personally, 'if you have nothing wrong with your life, you're a piece of fluff' is my theory. Hence, I enjoy my pain. When there is none, as it happens to be now, I'm tripping on my own dullness. Bleh. Life isn't fun without the ups and downs going on, and believe me, there have been downs.
While I'm on a depression rant, is anyone else sick of people whining and getting all 'majnoo-like' over some imagined infatuation that was not reciprocated?
Misha
at Wednesday, September 08, 2004
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Tuesday, September 07, 2004
singing christmas songs...
Killer migraine yesterday, sensitive to sound today. After a day of lightly punching the left eye to make the dull ache go away, I have returned to the newest toy in the life of misha: Hello! At last, it works and misha likey very much.
For some odd reason, 'Deck the halls with balls of holly, Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la' seems to be going around in my head all day so far, despite my attempts to drown it out with Pearl Jam.
Misha
at Tuesday, September 07, 2004
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the malcontent
Malcontent, at least mine, is caused by the knowledge, the certainty that there is something out there that is better than what I have. Better than what I will ever have. There's always a greener lawn out there, somewhere, and it will never allow me to enjoy mine. Of course, one may persuade/delude oneself into believing that it doesn't matter, that its all insignificant, but then when you know several dozen people who are superior to yourself in some way or the other.
Now, if I had never known anyone else in my entire life, had not the slightest idea that there were such words or concepts as
better/faster/stronger, perhaps I would be less malcontent? Better. That word reeks of human spirit. Push harder, run faster, leave the other suckers behind to eat your dirt. Olympics, tests, medals, honors, exams, quizzes, ranks, all tools to make you want to do better, as if that will erase all your problems. A medal will pay for that car you've wanting to buy because it's better than your old car.
You can do better, Misha.
Misha
at Tuesday, September 07, 2004
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siblings
Myself and little brother. Sadly the fashion sense goes downhill from here.
Misha
at Tuesday, September 07, 2004
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Monday, September 06, 2004
Vocab lessons
Late last night, amidst the non-booze partying with my five year old namesake hurling balloons on my head, I realized coming to my current university has added considerably to my vocabulary. Some examples:
Cheetah: A word denoting very positive connoctations. Can be used as a noun to praise a person's abilities, for example, 'Wah, kia
Cheetah banda hai!' or to illustrate the kick-ass quality of something, for example, 'Kia
Cheetah program banaaya hai!'. If you kick major ass in something, you are a proud member of the Cheetah family.
Lush, Lush-Pash: Similar to the cheetah-ness of something, you may alternatively illustrate your pleasure with an object or person in contact with by calling it/him lush/lush-pash. "Naya PC kaisa chal raha hai? Bilkul
Lush-Pash!". Mostly used to indicate one of the senses being pleased with something or as the happy chant of a satisfied user of something: "Gmail ki kia
lush service hai, yaar!"
Manhoos Maara/Maari: noun. Is used to display displeasure with someone. Equivalent of 'stupid ass'.
Fit-faat: Used to indicate happiness/satisfaction with something. May be substituted by
Lush-pash.
Set: If you are
set, you are made. Used to indicate how well something is working out. "Kaisa hai? Bus,
set!".
Burger: Young men and women who wear real designer clothes as opposed to the lunda bazaar wali Nike shirts and enjoy speaking urdu with the vocal stylings of a foriegner. Not complimentary, but if you're burger, you wouldn't care what a
mailah thinks.
[No, I'm merciless. There
will be more soon]
Misha
at Monday, September 06, 2004
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Sunday, September 05, 2004
happy, happy...
PC has finally been fixed and is home at last. Predictable, I hooked it all back up again and pounced on it like a druggie in need of a fix, snarling at those who try and separate me from it. That may be an exaggeration of sorts, but my intentions were too do just that.
Luckily for the PC-guy, everything seems to be in order and so far so good, except for a pesky sasser worm that must be killed soon. Healthy PC = happy misha. Whining shall return in a day or two when something else goes wrong.
Misha
at Sunday, September 05, 2004
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Friday, September 03, 2004
dead cat
I saw a dead cat today. Again. This one was a baby, two, maybe three months at most. It was in the middle of the road. You see enough of those every day, right? The big deal is that I got to see this one up close. Flies were already a-buzzing, and its eyes had begun the process of sinking into her skull. I like to think of it as a female, for no particular reason. As I passed, I got closer and closer to it. Real close. Right upto the point where I could see every tooth in that lifeless jaw that hung open. Probably a last ditch cry for help as a car squashed the life out of it. Or maybe it lay there for a while, mewing for help from something it didn't understand. The point is, its dead. One less flash of innocence in the world. No big deal, right? Then why do I keep picturing it as I go about my business?
Misha
at Friday, September 03, 2004
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Thursday, September 02, 2004
a very smart man
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
--Robert A. Heinlein
Misha
at Thursday, September 02, 2004
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the PC rant
There's no rest for the wicked. The one day I get a chance to catch up on lost sleep is the day the weird horror-movie inspired dreams choose to return.
Ended up taking out the day's frustration on the computer guy who
still has not fixed my PC and did not seem to have any intention of doing so until I made it clear I do not want an upgrade when I have a perfectly fine working PC that just needs a new motherboard. For everyone out there who's as clueless as I am when talking hardware with your PC-guy: caveat emptor. These guys are out to rip you off as much as possible. Eight times out of ten they're just pissing in the wind themselves and have absolutely no idea what's really wrong besides a generalization of the part that's not working by trial and error. May they burn in hell, the lot of them.
So far, I have been to three different guys in as many weeks and not much has improved. I hate being dependant on techies or rather wannabe-techies whose failsafe advice is to just buy a new PC altogether.
Misha
at Thursday, September 02, 2004
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